1. Hair Washing. I mean what even is clean hair? Shove a bit of dry shampoo on it and that’ll last me a solid 10 days, right?
2. Washing in general. Having any sort of personal hygiene kind of goes out the window.
3. Eating. I can’t even remember the last time I ate breakfast or lunch. If there isn’t someone home to help prepare me a meal then I will continue to live off chocolate for the foreseeable future.
4. House Chores. Ha! Don’t even ask me to do the clothes washing so you can have clothes for work cos it ain’t happening mate.
5. Make Up. I definitely do not have the time (or energy) to put on a full face of makeup. Au Naturel from now on.
6. A Skincare Routine. Cleanse, Tone, Moisturise? I’m lucky if I wipe a wet flannel over my face once in 36 hours.
7. Sleeping. Babies do not like you to sleep. It’s almost like they know how utterly exhausted you are, so keep you up all night.
8. Going Out. Babies also don’t like you to leave the house. They like to trap you at home by demanding food just as you are about to walk out of the door.
9. Beauty Treatments. I am in desperate need of a haircut, nail extensions, eyebrow wax and tint, spray tan. I’ll schedule my next appointment for the year 2032.
10. Getting Dressed. What’s the point when you get sicked and shit on multiple times a day.
11. Using the Bathroom. Just join the baby and wear a nappy. You ain’t got time for bathroom visits.
12. Going Shopping. Leaving the house becomes a military operation. It’s not that you don’t have time for shopping you literally just can’t be arsed.
13. My Partner. Sorry mate you are now 3rd on my list of priorities after the baby and the dog.
14. Exercise. Ha jokes. Never did this one anyway.
15. Being sick. Got a cold? Power through. Dying of pneumonia? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
16. Hangovers. Good god just no.
17. Phone Calls. Oh Hi Grandpa long time no speak. Sorry the baby’s crying, love you bye.
18. Hot Drinks. Your drink will never ever be hot again. It won’t even be lukewarm by the time you get around to drinking it.
19. Reading Books. Unless you are quite happy for said book to last until next year.
20. Blogging. If you prioritize blogging overeating, sleeping and breathing then this one is achievable.