1. You will have a job that you absolutely hate and a boss you absolutely loathe. You will be expected to do some of the shittier jobs if your new to the company as well. Over time you won’t be the ‘new girl’ anymore, but still expect your boss to be an arrogant prat!
2. If you managed to get through University you won’t ever.. I mean ever want to look at a Pot Noodle again! You’ve had enough pot noodle to last you a lifetime.
3. You will lose touch with friends and fall out with others. The ones that aren’t around anymore really aren’t worth having around. A small group of friends you would call your besties is better than having a large group of friends you only use when you fancy a night out.
4. ‘The Walk of Shame’ does exist and you’ve done it… multiple times.
5. People you used to be in school with will be climbing the career ladder, getting married, having babies and some might even be on marriage number 2. Whatever they are doing don’t let that reflect on what you feel you should be doing. If your single, living with mum and dad and working at Tesco, so what, if your happy fuck the rest of them.
6. You realise what a small grain of sand you are in this big wide world. Not everything does revolve around you after all.
7. Your metabolism really will slow down. That teacher in school who told you ‘One day all those burgers will catch up with you’ and you flicked her the V’s behind her back. Yep she was right. Damn that cow! If you carry on eating like you did when you were 15 you will start to pile of the pounds.
8. Being grown up doesn’t mean shopping at Dunelm Mill and buying cushions. But it is very therapeutic.
9. The things that you were worried about in school like everyone picking on you because you haven’t got the latest backpack or that boy you asked out on msn who said no and print screened the conversation. Those worries are well in the past. Now you’ve got to worry about council tax, car insurance and your phone bill. What is this life!?
10. That boy you dated for a while when you were 18 and you were left utterly heartbroken and it felt like the end of the world. You WILL get over him. He ain’t all that anyway.
11. Drinking on a weekend and hitting the tiles with the girls really will become a thing of the past. First of all you can’t handle them damn hangovers anymore and secondly that money you spent throwing up down the toilet the next day could have bought those new blinds for your living room. The new ‘in’ thing to do is slobbing about in your pyjamas with all the girls round drinking wine and watching films. Hell Yes to the new Saturday night in!
12. Pulling a sick day gets harder! You can’t do the fake heating up of the thermometer anymore to trick your mother into phoning school saying your ill. You actually have to phone your boss yourself and put on that ‘I’m sick’ voice. The most nerve wracking call you’ve ever made. Do you crumble at the last minute? Or does the guilt kick in when you realize that Jane in the office is going to fucking kill you when you get back? Either way sick days are even harder to pull off.
13. Facebook becomes shit. Delete those people you never speak too. Do you really want to see their Christmas dinner with Nan photos and bragging about that holiday they’ve just been on. Fuck em’ Delete em’!
14. Your mother and father have refused to buy you a pet and you say that ‘As soon as I leave home I’m getting a dog’. You don’t get a dog. You can’t afford a damn dog and now you have a job you don’t have the time to stay at home and look after said dog. *Cries* I want a dog!
15. It’s not all doom and gloom. Being older is actually freaking awesome. Do what you want with your life and make your mark on this big earth. Show those bullies from back in school just how amazing you are and let them envy your totally awesome life! Fuck you Bitches!!